Living with Regrets (No Regrets book 2) Read online

  My phone whistled again, and I couldn’t help glancing at it

  DarkHaze: Ha! ha! You are so busted.

  I shot him an evil glare and looked back to our irritated waitress. “Yeah, I don’t really remember Wyatt.”

  My comment wasn’t helping, and she knew just as much as I did that it was a lie. I met him on the field after a football practice while I was running laps. Wyatt was fucking hot, and we had sex at least twice.

  “But, for what it’s worth, I wasn’t in a good place back then, so I’m really, really sorry.”

  “Whatever.” She leaned into Oliver and glanced at me.

  “How about you, Sir? What will you have this morning?”

  “I’m not sure. I’m not from around here, so I haven’t eaten here before. What would you suggest?”

  I huffed.

  What a liar.

  He looked over at me smirking. Knowing I just got caught reacting to his lie, I watched as the waitress, whom I now knew as Gabrielle from her nametag, bent over and shoved her cleavage in Oliver’s face.

  “I really like number twenty-one here.”

  Well played, my dear, well played.

  “Okay,” he coughed. “Well, number twenty-one it is then, and would you please be a doll and bring us more coffee?”

  I bit my tongue.

  A doll. Really?

  “Of course,” she flirted back. “Coming right up.”

  DarkHaze: I saw that. Jealous much?

  DarkHaze: Don’t worry, Abby. Blondes aren’t my thing, remember?

  I refused to answer him.

  When the waitress left the table, my friends roared into laughter and pestered me with their stupid questions about Wyatt for at least fifteen minutes.

  DarkHaze: And one last thing. That bra of yours, isn’t magenta, Abbygail. Its deep blue and a push up! ;)

  I looked at my cleavage and smiled. I knew his eyes were on me. He was waiting for my reaction, but when our eyes met, he licked his lips, showing me the metallic stud on his tongue. I groaned, shut off my phone and slipped it inside my purse.

  “Everything okay Abs?” Kylie asked.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Just wondering. You keep receiving text messages.”

  “Yeah. It’s some arrogant ass harassing me for a date. Somehow he thinks he can convince me by showing me what he can do with his tongue. He shouldn’t bother me anymore, I shut my phone off. Besides, even if I did agree to go out on a date with him, there is no way in hell I’d let his cocky tongue near me.”

  His laugh was sexy as hell!

  Delicate Strength

  Oliver

  My stern eyes shifted to Stephan’s the moment the girls rolled out of the parking lot. After talking with Tyler about Abby, it took everything to control my frustration and not lash out at him in the middle of the restaurant. I was so pissed off at him.

  “Oliver—”

  “I don’t want to fucking talk to you right now,” I growled.

  He frowned. “What the hell is your problem?”

  “My problem is that Abby was a train wreck, and not once over the years did you bother telling me about it.” I stepped away. “I’m out. I’ll see you later tonight.”

  Abbygail

  “So you and Stephan are dating again. That’s the past revisiting itself,” I said once we hit the highway.

  “Don’t judge me, Abby.”

  “I’m not judging, Ky. I just don’t understand.”

  “What’s not to understand? We love each other.”

  “I know you love each other, but I think you two are going about this all wrong. Don’t you think that you could have moved in town and gotten your own place for a few months? Make the whole thing less drastic? I mean, moving in together is a big step, and you’re going way too fast if you ask me.”

  “You’re entitled to your opinion. But we decided we’re ready.”

  “You two just started dating again. You can’t possibly be ready.”

  “Abbygail, are you really that mad that Stephan and I are dating again?”

  “I’m not mad. I’m unconvinced.”

  “Can’t you just trust that this is going to work?”

  “I want to, Kylie. Seriously, I do. If there is one thing I know, it’s how much he loves you. So if this is what you want, and you guys are happy, then it’s what I want, too.”

  The car grew quiet for a while after that. It was clear that Kylie and I weren’t on the same page about her rekindled relationship with Stephan. But maybe this was me being over protective. In the end, I needed to come to terms that both were adults and could make their own decisions without me giving them my unsolicited opinion.

  ···

  I couldn’t even say if I was sleeping or just really deep in my thoughts. Kylie had called my name at least three times before I came out of my daze, but it was the touch of her cold hands that made my eyes shoot open. I looked around the mall’s loaded parking lot through my blurry eyes. The gray-skied Friday would have made a perfect day for sleeping, especially after forty-eight hours without restful sleep.

  “What were you thinking about?” Kylie asked me once I regained my composure.

  “That he’s leaving Sunday.” I blurted out. It was the only thing I had been thinking about since my mother’s dinner party. It was as if the moment I saw him my heart had been expecting him to be moving back home, even though it made absolutely no sense.

  “I know. Stephan told me.”

  “It’s funny because we aren’t even close to the relationship we used to have, yet the fact that he’s leaving in two days makes me feel like I’m about to live the worst moment of my life all over again.”

  “You’re stronger than the girl you were back then, Abby. Don’t worry.”

  Yeah, somehow I doubt that…

  “What are you thinking about?”

  She took her keys out of the ignition and sat still for a while, playing with her steering wheel like she did earlier that morning. She had this look in her eye, a dark cloud roaming around. It had been there for a while. I’d seen it before, but Kylie wasn’t one we could coerce into giving information freely. I tried. I failed.

  “Kylie?”

  “I’m hiding something from you and I just can’t anymore.”

  “Okay.” I frowned.

  “And I feel like if I tell you, you’re going to hate me.”

  “Nothing you tell me will make me hate you, Kylie.” I reassured.

  “I disagree.”

  “Try me.”

  She let out a long breath and finally looked at me. “I had an abortion.”

  “I’m sorry. What?”

  She cringed at my harsh tone. “Three years ago, when college started, we weren’t careful, and I ended up getting pregnant.”

  “Who—”

  Never mind who. I know who.

  “Why? Why would you not tell me this before?”

  “Because I swore to him I wouldn’t, and frankly I was scared you’d hate me.”

  I would have. I’m actually wondering if I don’t hate you right now.

  “Explain.” I growled.

  “When Stephan found out I was pregnant, he was ecstatic, like this was the best thing that could have happened to us. He started planning my coming back home and living with him, but all his plans excluded my dreams.” She sighed. “I wasn’t ready to be a mom, Abby. Me. A mother? I mean someday maybe, but not now and definitely not then. I wanted a career. I needed to be a lawyer.”

  I frowned.

  “Anyway, one week later he came over to my apartment and I told him I had already gone through with the procedure and terminated my pregnancy. He left the same night, and our relationship eventually dissipated with time.”

  “So you got an abortion without consulting Stephan first?” I scolded. “How could you?”

  She looked outside her window. I could hear her sniffling, but I didn’t know how to respond. She must have known before she made the decision to termi
nate her pregnancy how Stephan would be destroyed by her choices.

  Her eyes turned back to mine a few minutes later. “So that’s what happened between us three years ago. And that’s what the outburst at the bar the other night was about. I guess Zoey’s pregnancy rattled something inside me.”

  Inside you? I think you were more afraid it would rattle something inside him.

  Kylie stepped out of the car, ending our conversation. I could see the hurt in her eyes, but I remained still and watched her start to walk away.

  “Abby?” she called, standing in the drizzling rain.

  I just sat there looking at her through the window. I didn’t know how I was supposed to deal with the information she had secretly shared with me. There was this small part of me that wanted to understand what she went through, but the other part of me wanted to lash out at her. She walked back to my door and opened it with pleading eyes.

  “Abs, I—”

  “Ky. I get it. I really do. But Stephan is my best friend. He was heartbroken and I couldn’t even help him. He—” I rubbed my forehead. “Kylie, I need you to let me process this before I say anything I’m going to regret, okay?”

  I saw the sadness in her eyes before she walked away, but she knew me well enough to understand that I needed time to think, so she left me to my thoughts.

  I took my phone and texted Oliver.

  BlackOrchid: Hey, I know this is going to sound super weird, but can I ask your opinion about something?

  DarkHaze: Depends.

  BlackOrchid: Really?

  DarkHaze: No. But if it’s about lingerie color, I’ve always preferred black.

  Good to know.

  DarkHaze: I’m kidding. Go ahead.

  BlackOrchid: Let’s say years ago your friend made a decision that he or she knew would hurt someone you really cared for, and lied about it, could you forgive that friend?

  DarkHaze: Does this decision implicate your own life?

  BlackOrchid: No, not really.

  DarkHaze: Then drop it.

  BlackOrchid: But they lied to me. She hurt him.

  DarkHaze: Abby, you’re passing judgement on a situation that doesn’t concern you. How would you feel if a friend told you what to do with your life or how to feel about everything going on in your mind or in your heart?

  BlackOrchid: I’d tell them to suck it up and let me deal with my shit on my own.

  DarkHaze: And if they didn’t agree, would you lose your friendship over it?

  DarkHaze: Even best friends hit a rough patch sometimes, Abby. And you can’t please everyone with the choices you make. Sometimes we need to make the decisions based on our own values and on what we think is best for our own person. But the strange thing I recently found out about true friendship is that whether friends disagree, live across the street or across the country, when they break apart, they suffer the same void. And the amazing thing is that they might fight, they might argue, they might even pretend they don’t care for years. But whether they know it or not they’re doing it together.

  DarkHaze: I hope it helps...

  DarkHaze: I missed this, Abby. Have fun shopping. xxx.

  I must have read Oliver’s last three messages at least ten times and each time I did, it didn’t hurt any less.

  Yeah, I missed this, too…

  I don’t even know how long I sat alone in the car, but the widows were completely fogged up by the time I joined Kylie in the mall. Over the years, I tried to convince myself that their breakup was mutual, now I was facing the fact that one of my closest friends made a decision that she knew would hurt the guy who protected me from myself. The worst part of having to come to terms with their dishonesty was that Stephan had to suffer through it alone by lying to me because he wanted to protect my friendship with Kylie. I didn’t know if I should have been pissed at my best friend or thankful for his secrecy, but at that exact moment everything Oliver had said made sense.

  Kylie was sitting on a bench with slumped shoulders when I walked inside the mall. As I slowly made my way to her, she raised her tearful eyes to mine.

  “Do you hate me?”

  “No.” I responded. “But I’m not going to lie and tell you that I agree with any of your decisions either. You should have talked with him before you had the procedure, Ky. You know Stephan just as well as I do. Had you talked about it, he would have understood. It wouldn’t have made him any less crushed, but at least he would have been there for you.”

  I took her in for a hug, and as she cried in my arms, I realized that Oliver was right. Losing friendship over this was ridiculous. Whatever happened between them had nothing to do with me, and in the end, I wasn’t the one Kylie needed the forgiving from.

  “I’m sorry I hurt him,” she whispered.

  “I know.”

  But I also know Stephan, and I fear that love will never be enough...

  ···

  “This bra is cute,” I said walking inside Victoria’s Secrets.

  “That’s not cute, it’s hot, Abby. You should definitely buy it.”

  “You’re right, I should. Excuse me, Miss?” I asked a sales clerk who was kneeling a few feet ahead, emptying a box with her back to me.

  “Yes? Oh, look who it is… Abbygail Evens.”

  I groaned. I forgot Adalynn’s childhood friend worked at the store. “Hi, Claire. How are you?”

  “I’m fantastic. How about you? You must be doing well if you are purchasing sexy lingerie.” She eyed my article of choice. “Are you still with Tyler?”

  I purchase sexy lingerie so my life is going well? Some people have their priorities mixed up…

  “Nope, just due for bras and panties. Do you have the matching underwear for this?”

  “Of course, it’s our new collection. Do I get that in a medium?”

  “No. Small will be fine, thank you.”

  “If you say so.” I sensed a little mockery in her tone but decided to ignore it. “Here you go. Anything else?”

  “No, I think I have everything I need. Thank you.”

  She walked me to the dressing room and I stepped inside, ready to get undressed. “So I heard Oliver is in town.”

  “Yep.” I rolled my eyes at myself in the mirror.

  “Adalynn tells me he is staying at your mom’s place.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Stupid Adalynn. How does she know this stuff anyway?

  “Must be weird seeing him after so long.”

  “Yep.”

  “What’s it been? Like six years?”

  “Yep.”

  “Not much of a talker, are you, Abby?”

  “I’m trying on underwear, Claire. I’m sorry if I prefer having a little privacy, while I undress and redress in a four-by-four wooden cabin.”

  “Got it. Holler if you need anything.”

  “Thanks…” I pulled up the underwear, and groaned. “Hey, Claire?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I think I’m going to need the medium size after all.”

  “No problem,” she laughed. “I’ll be right back.”

  Kylie was spot-on. It looked hot. The fabric was a mixture of see-through black and cream lace. The bra dipped low, but it had the support of a push-up. I loved it.

  “Are you almost ready in there?” Kylie yelled on the other side of the door.

  “Yeah, I’m getting dressed. Give me a sec.” Shopping for lingerie was not something I liked to do, especially during winter. Between the long sleeved pants, the shirt, the boots, the coat, the purse, it was a huge, sweaty headache.

  “Will this be all?” the cashier asked as I made my way to the register. I nodded, dreading the bill. “That comes to a hundred and fifteen dollars and seventy-six cents.”

  I winced and handed over my debit card, and as I started punching the numbers, Claire reappeared by my side.

  “So will we be seeing you at the bar tonight?”

  “Who is we and what bar?” Kylie asked stepping in like my knight in shining ar
mour.

  “Oh, I thought you knew. A bunch of us are going to Stephan’s this evening. Everyone is supposed to be there.”

  “Everyone being?”

  “You know. Your friends, my friends, our old classmates… Oliver,” she cooed.

  “So Adalynn’s coming then?” Kylie questioned.

  “Of course, she is. She can’t wait to see Oliver.”

  “Then we’ll see you there.” Kylie grabbed my bag off the counter and walked out with me following her from behind. “Later Claire.”

  “What was that about?” I asked once we made it out the lingerie store.

  “Nothing. I just need to make a call. Here’s your bag; I need a minute.”

  I wandered off while she dialed the number. I had a feeling I knew who she was calling but didn’t care to listen in on their conversation. By the time I stopped walking I stood right in front of a stunning cream laced dress. I took it off the rack and walked to the closest mirror.

  “I didn’t see you come in here,” Kylie said standing behind me. “I was looking for you.”

  “Yeah. Sorry. I guess I just wondered off.”

  We both stared at my reflection and Kylie smiled. “Do you know what would fit perfectly with that dress?

  “My brown knee high stiletto laced boots?”

  She nodded. “Abs, are you okay? I feel like I’ve lost you since we walked out on Claire over there.”

  “I have a date with Oliver tomorrow,” I blurted out.

  It had nothing to do with what she was asking but I felt like if I were to tell her, maybe she could help me talk myself out of going. The truth was even if I knew I shouldn’t be going out with Oliver, it’s what I wanted. It’s what I had always wanted. Unfortunately for me, Kylie didn’t reply with anything. She just looked at me with a warm smile, so I walked in the fitting room and closed the thick drapes behind me.

  I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. My mood swings were driving me insane. I wasn’t going to admit it to anyone, but the fact that a party was to be held at the bar and that everyone in town that knew Oliver was supposed to be there, bummed me. I wondered if it was normal for me to feel the way I did. I wanted to shout at him, fight with him. I wanted him to see my tears. I wanted him to suffer the pain he put me through, but also the one I inflicted on myself. But what I wanted most of all was to suck up as much of Oliver Langton I could get because in less than forty-eight hours, he would be going back to his life thousands of kilometers away from mine.